A View From The Edge
Stop pretending that you've never been bad,
You're never wrong and you've never been dirty.

NOTE:  I am strictly independent.  I am not a Democrat, a
Republican, a Libertarian, a Green, or blindly loyal to ANY
political affiliation.  So don't contact me saying, "closet Liberal,"
"the Republicans can fix everything," "the Libertarians are
the cure for all that ails our government," etc.  I won't
buy it.

ANOTHER NOTE:  All these opinions are just that--opinions.
They are mine and mine alone.  All facts are as accurate as
a guy who doesn't have his own fact checking staff can make
them.  Any errors and omitions may be pointed out and made
fun of, but are strictly unintentional, so forget about lawsuits.
Hey, it works for TV news.
 

10-4-04

I know, I know, I know.  It's been a while.  Over a year since I last jumped onto my bitch box, shouting in frustration to a world and curious if I was ever heard.  What can I say, I've been extremely busy.
    There are some things I don't want to talk too much about for fear of jinxing them.  Suffice it to say, I'm working on a couple of actual writing credits.  I made a no-budget movie during the summer of 2003.  Editing it got hung up by computer crashes (goddammit, I hate Windows) and problems associated with the hardware.  While the editing was and is still happening, in the fall of 2003, I made a connection with a comic book publisher.  Like the folks at Acclaim and DreamWave, he liked my writing.  Unlike those last two, he actually had an opening.  I came up with a story he liked, and I was about to have my first published comic book story.  I worked hard to come up with more stories and rewrite them until Lucy pulled the football away again.  In this case, the person that owned the characters decided he didn't want the American market and decided to focus on the Middle East region, so my story went bye-bye.  (My byline actually appeared in an issue of "Previews", one with Hellboy on the cover.  That's the closest I've gotten to publication yet.)  That little taste was enough to kick me in my ass and get me started setting up a self-publishing venture.  As I write this, the artwork is coming along very nicely and the biggest obstacle, no money, has been overcome.  This leads to moments such as when the cast says, "Dude, what about the movie?"  Some people burn the candle at both ends.  I'm actually adding extra wicks to mine.
    Not helping was the fact that, in August of 2003, word got around that warehouse I was working at was facing the possibility of closing up.  Those of us with intelligence above that of the grass growing outside the building knew it was going down and they were stringing the workers along.  Had to find a new job.  Luckily, I got one at another warehouse, and I enjoy it so much more than the black hole that was my last place of employment.  The overtime is notoriously variable, eating into time to work on writing, edit the movie, work on the web page, etc. etc. etc.
    In addition to this, frustration with Microsoft's Windows OS has caused me to switch.  I still run Windows, but I'm also using Linux where possible (read that as:  most anything except games).  I'm learning that, a trickier learning curve than Windows because I'm so used to the old OS, but I'm getting there.  I'm loving it.  I'm also starting to learn C++ programming.  It was long my hope to make my own Atari 2600 games, but the graphics engine used to put the stuff on the screen is completely tragic.  I was looking into C based game systems (Genesis, SMS, NES) and thought, why not Linux?  So my ideas might become part of a revolution instead of a movement.
    Mom and dad have been bitten by the remodeling bug, and have been redoing parts of the house, siding it and putting up new windows and shit.  And I, lucky duck, get to help.  I don't like home remodeling, and dad can't seem to figure out why.  "Don't you feel a sense of pride knowing you did that?"  Nope.  Can't say I do.
    I've been providing cheap tech support for a number of people running Windows.  I'm no expert, but I know enough tricks to handle the basic stuff, and I get treated to Micky D's for it, so I'm happy.  The chief exception to this is my sister and her husband, who have an always on modem, WinXP, and absolutely no firewall or anti-virus.  "Oh, we have nothing to hide."  What about identity theft?  "Oh, they showed on Court TV they have ways to prove it wasn't us."  $50K in legal fees vs. $50 in software.  Discuss.
    By embracing my inner geek, I've come to know and love Nerf weaponry.  I picked up several dart guns, and then I got the Rapid Fire 20, or as I refer to it, "the Overclocker."  It has a rotating barrel that holds twenty, count 'em!, twenty Nerf darts and shoots them like a machine gun. It is just too cool to see in action.  The first time I used it, I just stared at the darts on the floor (a range of over 25 feet) and declared, "Meet the can of whoop ass!"
    So here's hoping things have stablized.  I wanted to get this up so I have time to discuss the election with the next update and before Team America: World Police hits the theaters.  So enjoy this new update, and I'll have more to applaud or annoy soon.  Dobre utka, and God bless.

Because it's been a while, I'm keeping some of my topics, like my support of the Iraq war, in here but further down.  First, I wish to discuss politics, what with the Presidential campaign picking up steam.  There's enough happening on that front that the Iraq war is now a completely seperate issue.
    First of all, I admit I was wrong.  I avidly supported McCain-Feingold, the campaign finance reform law.  Instead, it has only made a bad situation worse, and the body politic is devolving instead of evolving.  It will never be challenged in court because such a challenge is moot.  At issue is a quirk in the law that says, if you pass on public funding, you can use as much private money as you want.  Bush and Kerry have attained more cash for campaigning than they ever did under the old rules.  Whoops.  That wasn't supposed to happen.  It is getting to the point where America is forming its own aristocracy, since it will take a phenomenal amount of money to become President.  The old adage about "Anyone can be President" will have to be adjusted for net worth.
    Because of the change, everyone is using their Freedom Of Expression to do what attack ads can't.  I'm all for people expressing opinions, don't get me wrong.  But some opinions are wholly misinformed, lies, or just blatant manipulation and propaganda.  Books are flying into stores intended to tear down candidates.  And each one, from Moore's bullshit movies to books by political amatuers, have the exact same flaw--they want a certain candidate to not win because he is flawed, but no one addresses the flaws in the alternative they are proposing.  You think Bush is in league with rich fat cats and shouldn't be President?  Kerry is married to one!  How much change do you think we'll get?  You don't like Kerry's war record?  Bush doesn't even have one!  And it's also hilarious to listen to people blast each other for taking advantage of others' voices.  Kerry is upset with the swift boat veterans who wrote a book questioning his war record.  Of course, he isn't distancing himself from Moore's "Farenheit 9/11" movie.
    The Presidential race has become a game of "Keep Away."  Back in 1984, people voted for Mondale because they felt he was the right choice and they agreed with him.  Now, people are mad at Nader supporters who are voting their minds, but goddammit, Kerry needs every vote he can get!  The will of the people is being harnessed so a few people who have decided who they either 1) want out of office or 2) want in office (big difference between the two) get to pluck the strings that hold the world.  You "patriots" that claim your Kerry campaigns are noble acts are committing the most un-American of acts.  You are dismissing the voices of people just because they aren't on your side.  You are the very thing you claim to be fighting against.
    The preposterousness is going to continue.  Michael Moore is going to have his cameras in Florida to make sure every vote is counted.  As I said during the last mess, if every vote must be counted, why are you focusing on such a small area?  Why doesn't everyone else get these precious protections you are offering?  I especially love the idea that I am being told "Bush doesn't understand common people" by people who make millions of dollars for art that is actually commerce (it gets bragged about in public instead of business circles) and that frequently reaffirms and celebrates stereotypes and living in communities designed to seperate them from the common folk they claim to love.  Who the fuck are they to say they are just like me, understand me, and speak for me?  At least with politicians who act as mouthpieces, they can be kicked out if they get stupid (Trent Lott comes to mind).  Not these media spokespeople.
    As it stands, I don't know if I'll vote for Nader or for Bush.  I like it that the foreign countries are afraid of us again.  I like killing terrorists before they can kill me.  Bush's domestic policies need work, but every President's has, even golden boys like Clinton and Reagan.  The last Presidents who actually worked for the common people were Truman and FDR (Nixon actually did quite a few things right and was quite liberal, but good luck getting anyone to admit that).  I am voting my conscience.  And those of you who want to control my vote to advance your agenda, don't push me.

"Now I'm gonna tell you a story.
"A tale of wrong and right.
"And freedom is the reason.
"You can't take it without a fight."
    --Antrax
        "Starting Up A Posse" (taken out of context, but it still applies)

Politics in Illinois is just sooooooooo much fun.
    The Republicans are holding onto a razor-thin majority in the Senate.  Illinois is one of the states that has a Senator's term expiring, Peter Fitzgerald (and I'm still pissed he isn't running again).  For a while, the election was between Barack Obama for the Democrats and Jack Ryan for the Republicans.  Both of them were written off by the party, then stunned the powers that be by winning the nominations.  Because they were outsiders, they didn't owe their political lives to anyone, and were relatively free of special interest interference.
    Obama was enjoying a lead over Ryan.  Ryan was still dealing with some bad publicity during the days of the Governor George Ryan scandal, with questions like why didn't he, as Attorney General for Illinois, start investigating his political boss?  It is possible Ryan could have made it a close race and maybe even won.
    Then, he screwed up.  Big time.
    Jack Ryan was married to Jeri Ryan, the actress who shot to fame as 7 Of 9 on Star Trek: Voyager.  They got divorced shortly after she started on the show, with the explanation that she was trying to focus on her carreer.  At the time, that was that.
    During the primaries, questions about the candidates and their divorce records popped up.  One was accused of beating his wife, although the incident seemed blown way out of proportion.  Jack Ryan was asked if there was anything embarrassing in his records.  His response?  "I don't believe so."  Every political observer smelled blood.
    Ryan had all his divorce records unsealed except for the ones from his custody hearing about his son.  He asked the press to respect his son's privacy and not go after the records.  A judge didn't buy the gambit, and unsealed things not specifically related to the son.  The result was a bombshell--Ryan had taken his wife to sex clubs at least three times.  His technique consisted of taking her to a club, more or less asking "Doesn't this look like fun?", she said no, and they left.  To his credit, he didn't force her;  once she said no, they left.  Then again, he didn't take the hint the first time and tried to get her to go along with it twice more.  I personally wonder if his interest in having sex in public with her was related to her rise to fame.  She became a sex symbol, after all.  That would be bragging rights.  "She's my wife!  I'm doing her!  Ha ha!"
    That the behavior was seen as shocking really makes me shake my head.  That's kinky?  This isn't crossdressing, or water sports, or getting spanked by Zorro.  This is garden variety kink.  The fact that the Republican party found this embarrassing is another problem.  The George Ryan scandals?  No comment, Jack Ryan is embarrassing.  The real problem with Jack Ryan is that he used his kid as a shield.  He hid politically damaging information and tried to guilt trip people with his son.
    So Ryan is a political street pizza.  The R's wanted to have at least somebody to go down swinging.  They talked with Mike Ditka, the former coach of the Chicago Bears.  Finally, they settled on Alan Keyes.  Keyes is a talk show host from Maryland who mounted two unsuccessful campaigns for governor of the state and two for Senator of the state, plus running for the Presidential nomination back in 2000.  US laws say that, to be a Senator, you must be a resident at the time of the election, that's all.  So Keyes moved to Illinois to campaign.  What's really funny is Keyes criticized Hillary Clinton for doing the same thing to become Senator of New York.
    As of this writing, Obama has a 43 point lead over Keyes.  It's too bad this is going to end in November.  It's very entertaining.

I'm trying to figure out when we started celebrating people's worst aspects.
    What prompted this particular train of thought was my Christmas hunting.  There's a set of toys called "Bratz", and a brand new collection came out in stores just in time for the holidays.  In case you haven't seen these dolls, they are very grotesque dolls that are more objectionable than any Barbie dolls.  The Bratz are girls just hitting their teens.  The hair is salon style, heavy make-up, lips that look like collagen injections, and outfits out of the Little Miss Streetwalker Starter Set.  The playsets and accessories usually tie into materialistic collection, such as fancy cars or decked out rooms.  While Barbie is implied to do anything, these girls, it is implied, are bought everything.
    It's the name that bugs me the most.  "Bratz."  Not just the misspelling, either.  It used to be being considered a brat was a bad thing.  Matt Groening named the Simpson boy Bart as an anagram of Brat.  But the Bratz dolls?  There is nothing about their lifestyle presented as negative.  And this despite, if they truly were Bratz, all this precious stuff would be taken away from them.  See, they'd be grounded because they're brats.
    In a way, the Bratz succeed because there isn't much competition for the hearts and minds of little girls.  You can either give them pastel frilly things that celebrate innocuousness (Strawberry Shortcake, the Care Bears) or the instructors for Rampant Comsumerism 101.
    As I look back on the pop culture landscape, Bratz are hardly new.  Then again, neither are other things that are negative.  There was a toy line called "Divas" at one point.  Singers want to be considered divas.  But it's only when the word is altered into "diva-esque" that it holds any negative connotation.  It's like being successful isn't enough.  Being insulated from the outside world and having people blindly worship you as some kind of quasi-diety is.  Even the notion of what is pushing "diva" too far is debatable.  I read that Jane Seymour has London rain water flown in to wash her trademark hair.  Mariah Carey's reps once supposedly asked an award show if there was a way to have Ms. Carey somehow lowered from the top of a set to the stage because Ms. Carey "doesn't do stairs."  Yet, Carey is constantly hammered for excessive behavior.  What, requiring London rain water is reasonable?
    I know some people's reaction is to blame the go-go Reagan 80's, when greed and racism were fashionable, like the Gordon Gecko line in Oliver Stone's Wall Street, "Greed is good."  But it goes back further.  Consider two of the greatest rock and roll bands ever, the Beatles and the Rolling Stones.  When the Beatles first got started, the only thing radical about them was their moptops.  They performed in suits and ties, never trashed hotel rooms, and were all around good guys.  Meanwhile, the Rolling Stones embraced the rock and roll rebel behavior.
    You know, it doesn't stop there.  The Roaring 20's, for example.  The party-heart atmosphere was only defeat by the Great Depression and the post-war prosperity of the 1950's.  But during Prohibition, mobsters were cheered.  Al Capone was considered a man of the people and cheered at baseball games, much like John Gotti in the last part of the century.  Rogues are routinely admired for some reason, and I can't figure out why.  Maybe it's the sense of anarchy, or the feeling of having everything you could possibly want given to you.  That might also be why they don't impress me--the things I admire and aspire to (honor, integrity, humor) can't be bought, and the things that I want that can be bought aren't going to impress anyone else.  I have 23 different game systems.  It won't impress others the way a Corvette would, but it makes me much happier.
    I'm just wondering about raising a child in an environment that treats character as supplimental to acquisitions.  It's like Lewis Black says, "Whoever dies with the most toys wins.  Well, you're dead, fucknut.  You didn't win."

I haven't mentioned the war in Iraq, aside from last update's request for everyone to respect each others' differences.  I'm going to write up about it now, mainly because some of the original facts are getting lost in the current news updates.
    The problem with the Iraq war is that the Rorsharch-quality to it is causing a lot of people to question why we are there.  Simple past facts are getting lost in the rush to judge the effort based solely on what was covered the night before on the evening news.
    When the war was first gearing up, I was writing an e-mail to another friend of mine.  I mentioned I was in favor of the war, and she asked me why.  So I wrote a long, detailed letter explaining my reasoning and observations.  She wrote back that she could accept my stance in favor of it, and she wrote a long letter explaining why she was against it.  There was a touch of anger to her letter, but I never got the impression it was directed at me.  It seemed more like the whole war was a case of deciding whether you were for it or against it, and then finding the facts to back up your argument.  Ours was the first discussion where it was simply discussed for and against, without knee-jerk patriotism or knee-jerk passifism leading to personal insults having nothing to do with the matter at hand.
    As the build-up to war progressed, I was struck by the behavior of the national leaders.  I know conspiracy theories abound with anything, but this didn't smell like a conspiracy to get Sadaam Hussein.  There was an urgency, bordering on panic, to the "we must go to war"drums being pounded by Bush's Cabinet.  I remember Colin Powell holding up the satellite photos of the weapons sites being cleaned up before inspections.  People said the photos weren't clear.  But there is an overwhelming problem, here:  Hussein has said for years he's developing weapons.  He's said he wants to develop a nuclear bomb to detonate in an American city.  He ignored 17 United Nations resolutions over 11 years demanding to let inspectors see what he was working on.  It was a pretty open secret that he was trying to be a terrorist.  And yet, the international community was happy to make resolutions and tsk his lack of cooperation.  Kofi Annan, the head of the UN, gave Hussein PR help, in fact, suggesting he ditch the military uniforms in favor of business suits.  Hussein gave money to families of suicide bombers.  He tried to target then-President Bush for assassination when he visited Kuwait in 1993.  During the first Gulf War, he shot missiles at Israel just because.  And everyone thought the US was nuts for believing Hussein was a huge threat.
    Like I said, the sell job was huge.  As much was revealed as possible without compromising the source of information.  But the level of nervousness was huge.  My guess was that Hussein was coming close to pulling a huge terrorist attack, and the government decided to act before we became victims again.  If they were looking to manufacture evidence, why would they make the evidence so easy to ridicule?  With computer technology what it is, they couldn't have matted in a couple of missiles or something?
    People at large, however, don't like to think.  They like their news in easy-to-digest bites.  This is why questionable political records are no big deal, as long as you have some sort of image people can rally around, like the Peronistas.  So rather than presenting the facts, that no one was holding Hussein accountable for his actions, that he did want to attack America, the war was sold on the notion of Weapons Of Mass Destruction.  The obvious problem was, they couldn't say what made Hussein such a menace because that would tip other countries off to what we were watching and watching for.  And we couldn't say we were looking to get rid of Hussein because he was a bad man because there are plenty of bad men around the world, why aren't we getting rid of them?
    And I'm not buying the argument of "We need UN approval."  Only two conflicts have ever gotten UN approval, Korea and the first Gulf War.  Everything else was done without their fiat, and no one complains about those.
    I knew almost from the get-go that we'd never find the WMD in Iraq.  Hussein only fights one war with any competency, and that's the Public Relations War.  Before the first Gulf War, he tried to head it off by pointing out most of the stuff came from the US when we were angry at big bad Iran.  He also pointed out several Congressmen who wanted to vote for our involvement had enjoyed his hospitality and money.  But that didn't work.  The only thing he could do was make it look like we were bullying the poor little dictator around, so I'm pretty sure we'll never find them.  It's the one way he can make the US look bad.  You don't do it by burying your tanks in the sand to make them into immobile turrets.
    I'm sorry we are losing US troops, but at the same time, a number of other countries that felt we were paper tigers are suddenly afraid.  Libya just announced it would fully cooperate with inspections programs and cease it's development of WMD.  That was done under the table, without the press being involved in the news.  That isn't exactly a bunch of warmongers.  Hussein's second in command told the news that everyone in Hussein's military thought for sure the US would never attack, that it was a big bluff.  Now, people are scared we are going to flatten them if they pose a threat to us.  Help me out, I'm not seeing the down side.
    As I've written before, I see nothing noble about being a victim.  When the World Trade Center towers fell, Americans stood among the ashes and swore we would never let something like that happen again.  But attention spans wander, and many determine whether the war is bad or good by recent developments.  Yes, the Halliburton thing is rotten, but when's the last time any military action under ANY President didn't have big contributors angling for the action?  Admittedly, Halliburton isn't even trying to hide it, which is insulting.  Months ago, Bush told Halliburton to pull out because he didn't want the potential scandal undermining the war efforts.  I applauded him for that.  But it looks like it never happened, and now, people are saying we should have left alone a madman who wanted us dead because the only reason we are there is for people who use war as a money machine.
    This is not an easy war.  It is a moral minefield as daunting as Vietnam, but the stakes are far higher.  We need to keep this in mind and address this, and not use newspaper headlines as stances.

They say there's no such thing as bad publicity.
    People who say that usually don't know how bad publicity can get.
    I often find myself of two minds when it comes to people who do stupid shit in public.  Sure, everyone does something stupid once in a while, but at the same time, when your job and/or hobby is getting as much attention as possible, I can't figure out what they were thinking.  It reminds me of Darva Conger.  If you don't remember her (and I wouldn't be surprised if you didn't, her 15 minutes vanished faster than a dotcom stock), she was the precursor to "The Bachelorette."  She was chosen by a man named Rick Rockwell to be his wife on a TV show called "Who Wants To Marry A Multi-Millionaire?"  Unlike "The Bachelor," this cut to the chase of what these women were after without dressing it up in the phony clothes of a fairy tale.  (People keep acting like it's news when the couples who hook up on these shows break up.  One of them told reporters that meeting on a TV show might not be the best way to get to know a life partner.  There's an update for the "No shit?" newsdesk.)  She just wanted to be left alone and get away from the spotlight and she wasn't sure she could becuase of all the publicity.  She said this on several TV shows over a few days and appeared in Playboy to get the world to leave her alone.  (Side note:  why is it any time a woman achieves some level of public awareness, the first question is, "What does she look like nekkid?")  Another example that comes to mind is Madonna.  She went out jogging in regular clothes.  She looked like any other jogger, save for the phalynx of bodyguards surrounding her as she ran.  I don't get it when people say they don't want to be noticed but do things to undermine that assertion.
    The most recent inductee into the "No such thing as bad publicity?!?  FUCK YOU!" limited partnership is Paris Hilton.  For the longest time, I had no idea who she was.  I would be reading the paper, and her and her sister Nicky's names would begin popping up, usually at some kind of social gathering.  (Note:  when I simply refer to "Hilton", I mean Paris, not her sister.  If you have trouble keeping track after this, use your Global Search And Replace or type like a motherfucker.)  They would act stupid in public, drinking, dancing, and carrying on.  I ran down a short bio on them because I was wondering what they had done to be famous--I didn't recall them being in movies or on TV, and I'm lousy with names and faces, anyway, but I don't listen to much Top 40 radio, so maybe they were some kind of pop act that trades on sex appeal like Britney Spears.  Nope.  They were two girls who stood to inherit a ton of money from the hotel chain.  That's it.  That told me everything I needed to know--here were two girls who, like a lot of girls, look at starlets getting attention and Internet sites devoted to them and wondered why not them.  Then they realized they had the money to look like starlets--tanning, teeth, clothes--and after researching where the press usually watches for Talk Of The Town type people, they started going there.  A little shocking behavior, and your name is in the paper.  You're famous.  This doesn't work for me because the behavior was sad, but it hardly shocked me.  Ooooo, they drink in public and wear skimpy clothes.  That's standard issue bad behavior, hardly original.  Been there, done that, got the T-shirt.  Try to be actually shocking, like holding an animal sacrifice in the middle of Central Park.
    For the longest time, Hilton controlled other guys' lust.  Some photos circulated around the 'Net, like one of her getting out of a limo in a short skirt, revealing she wasn't wearing panties.  Despite leaving little to the imagination with photo spreads in Maxim and outfits that made you wonder how they stayed on, guys wanted to see her naked.
    Then, a "friend" gave the public what it wanted.
    It seems Hilton did what lots of people do, and took a video camera in a bedroom to record a carnal romp with her lover.  Apparently, it never occured to her to keep very tight control of the tape.  Someone else (no one is sure who, I have a suspicion but won't say anything because I don't like being sued) got a hold of either the original or a copy and sold it for $50K.  Actually, that seems a bit low, but hey, market sets the price.  Supposedly, Hilton's honey from the video had bragged earlier in 2003 that he made the tape, but then shut up about it.
    At this point, a digression.  I have been getting spammed at least three times a day by people offering me the Paris Hilton Sex Tape.  Sorry, but I don't believe for a minute that, aside from the sample clip circulating around the 'Net, the video company that bought the tape is going to let anyone else get ahold of it until they've made their coin.  Others claim to have the video, but it's actually fake--a recreation, as they would say on Fox primetime programs--or not that at all.  Most of the ones circulating on filesharing sites are either corrupted so they won't run, or are not as advertised, such as one of a monkey eating his own shit.  So, as a service to the echi folks out there who are also worried about identity theft, here's a little guide for How To Tell If The Video Is Authentic.  Please note this is what my research turned up.  I don't have the video, and while it might be neat to have in a "You aren't supposed to have this" kind of way, kind of like Casey Kasem swearing up a storm about a long distance dedication to a dead dog or that short porno movie shot on infrared film (swear to God, there really is.  I have two words for you--educational programming), I really don't feel like putting out the time or money or exposing my inbox to more spam over this.  So some of the info could be wrong.
First, the easy part--the images surrounding this paragraph?  If your video doesn't look like this, guess what?  It's bogus.  Apparently part of the population that makes love with the lights out, Hilton does her thing with a Nightvision type setting that makes her look more like a Martian than Dennis Rodman ever did, truly an astounding feat (my buddy Mornblade described it as, "It looks like it was shot in Beruit").  There's also some in Nightvision without the green tint, and her eyes look freaky.  I kept waiting for her head to spin around and her body to levitate over the bed.  Stuff of nightmares, man.  The tape itself is supposedly about 27 minutes long according to The Smoking Gun, but some sites claim 42 and 47, and ends with Hilton taking the camera in the bathroom and running the lens over her face and body in better and more flattering light to show it really is her.  Bet she's regretting THAT decision right now.  She could have denied it was her in the tape because the visual quality is so odd.  Several celebrities have been at the center of tapes supposedly of them doing the Mattress Mambo.  Barbara Striesand comes to mind, with one tape constantly cutting from the action to still photos of her as if to say, "See?  Isn't the resemblence striking?  It has to be her!"  But nope.  Hilton proves it's her once and for all, in an era of the Pamela Anderson and Tonya Harding videos.
    As a side note, I guess I wasn't that impressed with the video.  During the part where Hilton is in the missionary position, I noticed an All-In-One TV remote control by her head on the right side of the screen, bouncing around due to the bed movement.  They don't even get rid of the remote?  I hope the guy at least took his socks and watch off.  During the scenes without the green tint, at one point, Hilton's lover can be seen to have bikini tan lines.  Thank God the picture quality is so iffy, or I might have gone blind.  Also, there's a fake that has a green tint to it and by golly, the woman does look like Hilton, but the green tint is obviously a video editing effect--her pink top is still pink, so that ain't Nightvision.  Besides, the camera angles show everything way too well to be two people fooling around with a camera.  By the way, there's an especially hillarious parody of the video on a web site that uses still photos of a Barbie-type fashion doll in a variety of poses and the pictures tinted green.  And you know what?  The doll looks more human than Hilton does.
    Hilton began actions that smelled like damage control.  She did an interview for Us magazine that tried playing on the reader's sympathies.  "Aw, poor Paris.  How can people treat her this way?"  The article mentions that she lived in ritzy New York City, Beverly Hills, or the Hamptons, yet her favorite meal is a McDonald's Extra Value Meal.  I'm sorry, but I find it hard to believe that someone who lives in such an environment and is so skinny would ever consider putting fatty junk food in her body.  During the interview, Hilton's cell phone goes off.  She hangs up and start crying, saying a web site got the number of the cell phone and posted it, and now she keeps getting all these crank calls.  Uh, why does she even still have the phone, then?  There are people who are so into the status symbolism of cell phones, they have three or more.  She couldn't replace hers, or hand it off to one of the hired help with orders to say, "No, I just got this number.  It was abandoned yesterday"?  Sorry, but this is about as tough to swallow as the Internet rumors I help knock down.
    About the time of the Us article, word started circulating that there was another video with Hilton and a woman named Nicole Lenz, apparently a Playboy Playmate.  The camera was supposedly handled by an MTV guy who regrets ever bringing the camera with.  Once again, didn't it occur to anyone not to do this or to keep a tight reign on the original?  Now, there are rumors circulating of a third tape with another guy.  What really upsets me about this is this means Hilton got a three picture deal when I can't even get one.
    I often wonder what those women who sign off to appear on the "Girls Gone Wild" tapes will be thinking a few years from now when their flashing the camera has become a memory to them but not the people collecting the tapes.  Hilton has become the most famous example of this phenomena.  She has done so much to get people to notice her, and now that lustful desire she played off of has become a monster, taking on a life of its own.  I mean, I don't wish her ill, she made a stupid decision.  But with just ten seconds of thought, this and the other rumored tapes never would have been made.

I want to take a moment to discuss something I've been debating mentioning here for a long time now.  I was never sure I wanted to, since the potential for misunderstanding is so huge.  But I've recently seen a movie that has pushed me over the edge, and now is the time to speak on it.
    It concerns Political Correctness.  I like it when people are culturally sensitive, but there's a big difference between that and Political Correctness.  Originally, it was a punch line to describe people who went with something in exchange for unyielding public support.
    But I've been wondering something, and it's this:  is Political Correctness nothing more than an excuse to pick on white people?
    I went to see the movie Boat Trip, which stars Oscar winner Cuba Gooding Jr.  I'm not sure if the guy is deliberately trying to sabotage his career or not.  I do know that that Oscar he got is starting to look like a "Just Got Lucky" Oscar rather than a real indicator of his talent.  For those who missed it, the movie Boat Trip follows Gooding and his buddy on a cruise.  They are assigned to a gay singles cruise because they cheesed off their travel agent.  It takes them a while to figure out exactly what the cruise is.  Gooding feigns being gay because he's hot for a female cruise employee who is rebounding from a bad relationship and doesn't want to scare her off.
    Lame plot, right?  But the worst is the actual construction.  The movie consists almost entirely of cheap stereotypes.  His buddy is homophobic, but only because he is actually gay and in denial.  The cruise to get away from it all is precipitated by the dumping by his girlfriend, played by Vivica A. Fox.  She comes across as a loud, shrill, vengeful, and only interested in her convenience and comfort black woman.  Most of the gay passengers act in manners that were dated when jokes were made about their behavior in the Racist 80's.
    The strange thing is, no one protested the movie's portrayals.  No one.  No gays, no blacks, no women, nothing.  We live in a society where ANY slight is an invitation to boycotts and public pressure.  Handicapped actors protested Forrest Gump, saying the Gary Sinise shouldn't have gotten Lt. Dan's role, a handicapped actor should have, even though Sinise turned in a hell of a performance.  Hispanics protested Marisa Tomei in The Perez Family, even though she too turned in a hell of a performance.  And yet, there's a major inconsistency.  Joan Chen, as you may have guessed from the name, is Oriental.  Yet she played an Eskimo woman in the Steven Segal lecture On Deadly Ground.  Also, if a white guy makes a movie with blacks portrayed as street gang members, he's hammered for racist portrayals.  And yet, there is an entire film industry dedicated to black filmmakers showing "thug life", and this is celebrated and encouraged, because they are "keeping it real."  Even if, as sung by the Brothers Brothers on In Living Color, "The guys are all pimps and each chick is a 'ho!"  Rap music is full of songs that depict women as good for nothing but sex, they will constantly scheme to get money or possessions from men, but men put up with it because of the sex.  I'd say that's a pretty offensive portrayal, but nothing doing.  It's part of "the culture."
    Men get hammered for making movies where women are not equals or empowered.  Yet, every time I flip past the Lifetime cable channel, it is showing a Woman In Jeopardy movie, where she either has to keep running, is rescued by a man, or Fate decides to get ironic and the antagonist does themselves in.  This doesn't portray women very well either, but it is accepted.
    Another example of this is the upcoming reality TV series The Real Beverly Hillbillies.  CBS is searching the South for the ultimate prototypical jerkwater backwoods family.  They will take this family and put them in a Beverly Hills mansion, with cameras filming the resulting fish out of water hilarity.  One CBS exec was even laughing, "Imagine what'll happen when they have to choose maids!"  This has set every Southern politician and social activist up in arms, but CBS is moving forward with the show anyway.  Now, if CBS did a show about taking a family from the projects and putting them in a mansion, or a white family and putting them in the projects, CBS would drop the show before a protest could be organized.  But making fun of Southerners?  No problem!
    The manner of protests has annoyed me a lot lately.  The movie Barbershop got protests from Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton for one scene where Cedric The Entertainer dismisses the accomplishments of several blacks in recent history.  In the context of the story, what his character said fit, because he was trying to provoke a reaction.  Jackson and Sharpton said the filmmakers had no respect for the sacrifices of the civil rights movement.  Yet, rappers have been dismissing Rosa Parks (who is not living too well lately, which is a shame for one of the icons of the movement) for years and acting like knowledge of the past has nothing to do with them.  Not one peep about them.
    It says something about the world we live in where people are expected to be inoffensive to sensitive groups, but picking on those people who are told to watch their step is just fine.  I firmly believe that there is no way in hell Blazing Saddles could be made today.  One of the greatest satires ever made, that showed racism as stupid and ugly as it really is, would probably never make it to development for fear of protests, despite the very positive message powering everything.  When Saturday Night Live was in its glory days, with Belushi, Chase, Murray, Radner, et al., there was a certain pride in being a working class person.  Now, SNL treats these people as easy targets.  Proof of this appeared, blazing like the sun, when US Senator Steve Forbes was a guest host of the show.  Chase and company would have eaten this rich politician who acts like a maverick because he can afford to for breakfast.  He was what they rebelled against.  Now, he's the host, the one to be celebrated.
    (Side note:  as long as I'm on the subject, if I see one more movie like Sweet Home Alabama, where an actor or actress who makes over $10 mil for one movie and gets perks out the waz makes a statement about how living in simple communities without the trappings of success is soooooo great, I'm going to throw up.)
    People also are having mental cramps when it comes to this stuff.  When the Mariah Carey movie Glitter was being readied for release, I poked my head into a Mariah Carey Internet group to see what everyone was talking about.  The place was extremely hostile, with posters calling Ms. Carey "Whore-iah", talentless, a cheap hussy, ugly, stuck-up, arrogant, and more.  The only post that prompted people to yell back was when a poster wrote all of the above into a message, and also said she was "fat."  This prompted people to yell about how insensitive he was and how fat discrimination was the last accepted intollerace.  Everything else in the post was fine, they were only objecting to the "fat" comment.  Give me a fucking break.  What he wrote may have been rude and trolling, but at least he was consistent, as opposed to the reactionary stupidity of the other posters.
    Want further proof that racism just goes underground?  Every "dumb blonde" joke I've ever heard is just a retread of the Polish jokes I heard when I was growing up.  Where's the blonde support group?  And some stereotypes are fine, as long as they are complimentary.  No one is protesting porno flicks presenting black guys as having huge dicks.
    I've had enough of Political Correctness.  You can't have double standards.  All the little support groups act like the Lilliputians in Gulliver's Travels, tying down people without any reason that can withstand logical scrutiny (yes, I understand that was the point of that part of the book, I'm just illustrating).  Until the protesters start protesting the injustice of the world instead of the injustice that annoys them specifically, they have no right to complain.  Period.  Finito.  The end.

I want to talk to everyone about the Iraq War.  My stance on the war is not important to this piece, although I'll state it for the curious--I'm for it.  What are my reasons?  Well, that's what I want to talk about.
    See, this war has really fractured the country.  This is that nastiest of political debates, the one with no real right or wrong answer.  Unlike 9/11, there is enough evidence supporting and opposing military action that it's like a Rorsharch test--what you see as the solution is more a reflection of the kind of person you are instead of any clear-cut logic.
    Several people I talk to oppose the war.  They cite a variety of reasons.  They are valid reasons.  And I don't try to change their minds.  One friend is a Wiccan, and the first precept of that study is, "First, do no harm."  As a result, she sees a pre-emptive strike as wrong.  There's really nothing to debate.  By way of contrast, I describe myself as having Light and Dark in my heart.  I see the pre-emptive strike as self-preservation.  Hussein has made it abundantly clear he wants us dead.  There are the satellite photos of cleaning up sites before weapons inspectors show up.  There's all the chemsuits found.  I see nothing noble about being a victim of terrorism.  There's nothing to debate, it literally is how I have weighed the options and determined.
    And yet, people aren't interested in allowing their fellow citizens to agree or disagree as they wish.  The debates became oversimplified.  Facts were jettisoned in favor of volume.  While this happens a lot in public debate, this is one time it never should have.  Both sides of the issue are scared of what Saddam is making us into.  One side thinks he is making us into monsters determined to use the very acts we decry him for for no good reason whatsoever.  The other side thinks he is making us into targets, the weak kid on the schoolyard the bully always zeroed in on.  It is this common ground we should be reaching to each other across, but no one is interested in anything other than proving what a bunch of wimps/ fascists/ war mongers the other is.
    People, let's knock this off.  It's a dangerous world out there, and the Founding Fathers felt we could respect each other enough to make this work.  Don't put what it means to be a part of this country aside in favor of what it means to be the winner in a very tragic arguement.

"I wish I had a baseball bat the size of Rhode Island so I could beat the shit out of this stupid ass planet!"
    --Cheese
        "Milk And Cheese"

I suppose I like people.  It's not like I avoid them much.  I go out in public, I'm socialable, I date, I talk casually while waiting in line at the movies.
    And yet, people do some stupid things, especially here in Illinois.  And they seem to involve politics.
    Here in Illinois, we have a wonderful US Senator named Peter Fitzgerald.  Fitzgerald is a millionaire who used his money to campaign.  That, combined with his opponent, Carol Mosley Braun, destroying her political carreer, got him into the Senate.  At first, I was leery of him, uncertain if he only got the job because of Machiavellian logic.  But surprise, he's an excellent Senator, one of the few who is actually interested in doing the job his constituents elected him to do.  He got Attorneys General set up in Illinois that are actually chasing political corruption instead of making friends with the political bosses of the state and attacking selected enemies.  For once, the political fat cats are filling their pants instead of their pockets.
    Fitzgerald has announced he will not run for re-election.  Bush's people, trying to maintain their slim lead in the Senate, told him he'd have to start campaigning now and nearly 24/7 to do it.  Fitzgerald didn't want to miss seeing his son grow up, and packed it in.  What I suspect happened was Fitzgerald's loose lips on a number of subjects, such as the plan to assassinate Saddam Hussein, got the R's to sell him that re-election would be tough, despite all the polls saying otherwise, to keep him from spilling on anything else.
    I feel betrayed.  The one guy who actually was looking out for people, the exact model that the Founding Fathers created, and he packs it in.  All the fat cats are just waiting until he's gone, then they just need to wait out his appointees, and business will be back to normal again.
    But it isn't just the elected officials that are exhibiting rectal-cranial inversion, the voters are, too.  Mayor Richard Daley was re-elected again, thanks to getting almost 80% of a record low voting turnout.  Only about 27% of registered voters showed up, meaning people voted with their feet.  To them, I have this message:
    You fucking idiots!!!
    News flash, dipshits:  you don't teach politicians anything by abstaining from a vote, other than, if people don't like it, they won't challenge us.  If all the people who didn't vote threw their support behind one of Daley's opponents, they could have change the situation that disgusts them so much.  But they didn't want to vote. We are stuck with the Emperor Of Illinois for another four years.
    This would be the end of the story, except for a political battle that took shape shortly after the election.  Before Daley was re-elected, he helped the Illinois Assembly bulldoze a bill through to renovate Soldier Field in Chicago, where the Chicago Bears play football.  It would be outfitted with skyboxes, extra seats, and more.  A public landmark (one dedicated to every soldier who ever served his country) is being modified with public funds so private owners of a football team can make more money, without a public hearing, referendum, or anything.
    Chicagoans got a rude awakening when Daley pulled a similar stunt shortly after the election.  There's a small airfield called Miegs Field a short distance away from Chicago's business district.  Daley has wanted it closed for a long time, and remade into a park.  He has funds to do this despite the trouble Chicago is having balancing its budget.  People have tried for years to use courts to keep Miegs open, although it was destined to be a losing battle.  After all, Chicago does own it and can do what it wants with it.  I think it was more Daley's "What I say goes" attitude that people were fighting.  but Daley did say he would leave it open until 2006.
    In the middle of the night, right after the evening news, Daley sent a construction crew to rip up strategic parts of the Miegs airstrip.  One guy even climbed the Adler Planetarium and shone a flashlight into the Webcam so people surfing the 'Net wouldn't see what was happening.  By the time word got out, Miegs was unusable, and no court would turn it around.
    The only bright side is, while the voters aren't willing to try any kind of justice because they are lazy, stupid, or both, business leaders are fighting back.  Daley assured them Miegs would remain open until 2006, and with this manuver, businesses are refusing to contribute to Daley's plan to turn it into a bird sactuary when his fundraisers pass the hat.
    Yes, it's sad, but what did you expect?  You didn't think Daley would bend the rules to get his way?
    He's your Mayor, he's your problem.  He's proof of the saying, "We get the kind of government we deserve."

My, what a difference a decade or two makes.
    I am a basketball nut (don't let the infrequency of the basketball page updates fool you).  And I feel honored to have witnessed the heyday of the greatest player the game has ever seen.  And yet....
    Michael Jordan was one of the good guys.  He was a true competitor.  And yet, while he was carving out his legacy, stories started to surface that maybe he wasn't as squeaky clean as he seemed.  First, all those allegations about gambling surfaced. I think they did after his father was murdered, I don't recall exactly.  I do wonder, considering how close they are, how many of Jordan's personal problems can be traced to that origin point.  I also recall the hubbub generated by a Miss Kylie Ireland.  Ireland is what is politely called an adult film star.  She is originally from Boulder, Colorado (digression:  because of that, I always wondered how Trey Parker and Matt Stone missed putting her in the movie Orgazmo, along with other porn stars like Juli Ashton, Chasey Lain, and Ron Jeremey.  You'd think they'd have plenty to talk about).  Besides being an adult film star, she is also a publicist for VCA Pictures and a part-time writer.  The part-time writer part is interesting, because she wrote an article for some magazine where she mentioned she had had a one-night stand with MJ one night when the Chicago Bulls were playing the Denver Nuggets.  This became the basis for the movie Face Jam (gotta love those titles).  This made me wonder a little about her, because I thought it would occur to her that not everybody was going to believe her story.  She went so far as to take a lie detector test.  But MJ was teflon, nothing came of it.  But that didn't stop the occasional "Hmm...I wonder...."
    The stories about Jordan and his good guy image jumped up when a woman filed suit against Jordan claiming not only did she have an affair with him, but he was the father of her child.  That last bit was disproven, but she still insists on the affair.
    This time, the teflon isn't working.  People are no longer seeing Jordan as a basketball god.  He got fired from his job with the Washington Wizards because he alienated too many players and staff.
    Jordan, the ultimate good guy, is no more.  I think part of what made Jordan so admired was his work ethic.  Most people, when they become stars, expect to be pampered.  Playing time when they want it, not so much pressure to produce, they made it, time to get paid.  But Jordan drove his body like he was trying for a ten day contract in the middle of the season.
    I can't view Jordan the same anymore.  When he played basketball, he was spectacular.  But now, all that's left is the man off the court.  And he no longer seems the great one he was.

Unbelievable.  It has finally happened.
    I now own a cell phone.
    Understand this:  I hate phones, especially cell phones.  To me, they are basically tools, used to speed communication.
    But phones are no longer about this.  They are now ways for people to annoy you without having to get close enough for visual.  I hate phone solicitors.  I hate family members that are not aware they are not in the same time zone and I have work the next day.  I hate family members that ARE in the same time zone and call for chitchat at midnight.  I hate phantom rings.  I hate dailer demons.  I hate phones.
    And now, I have one.  That's it on the right.
    I am a tech geek.  I have 22 different video games systems.  I still have my first computer I got when I was a kid, a Timex Sinclair 1000.  I would still have my IBM PCjr, but my dad got to it while cleaning the shed before I did and it got tossed.  But this is one tech toy I could have done without.  I know a leash when I see one.  But my sister and her husband wanted to get rid of it and rather than sell it, they gave it and it's Pay As You Go plan to me.  Excuse me while I shit myself in excitement.
    Still, I can see some rudimentary advantages.  Because of a change in my work hours, I don't make it home at a convenient time for talking with producers about my writing.  So now, I can do this as soon as I'm out the door at work, on break or afterwards.
    I am a true anomaly.  There are kids that aren't in the double digits that have these things.  I don't particularly care to lug mine with me.  The less I have to keep track of when I'm out and about, the happier I am.  I learned that after I forgot a charge card at a store and felt my blood pressure attain escape velocity when I realized it.
     There are tech toys I love, however.  The most recent addition is here on the left, with me and my Liberty Meadows wallpaper visible.  This is an IBM Thinkpad 760EL.  It was a gift from my dad.  Well, sort of.  He hadn't used it in years, and I decided to start playing with it.  It isn't good for very much.  It was built in October of 1996.  The OS is Windows 95.  It has 24MB of RAM, a Pentium 120 CPU, a 1.3GB hard drive (holy shit!  Two blank CD's hold more data than that!), no USB ports, and originally it didn't even have a CD drive.  As I started playing with it, I increased it a bit.  My hope was to play my old Atari games on it.  Then it was to have a sort of electronic book, since I have Adobe Acrobat, so I can save long web pages without printing out a ream of paper a month (not much of an exaggeration for me).  Then I wanted a portable movie machine.  First, I found an internal CD drive and installed it.  The CPU is too slow to play VCD's, but I found a MPEG video card for the PCMCIA slot on the side.  The computer didn't even get a driver, Windows can't tell what it is, but VCD video now runs flawlessly anyway.  I am now very sold on IBM Thinkpads for portable use.
    As I continued to wonder what else I can make this thing do, a thought occured to me.  I have a cell phone.  I have a notebook computer.  I might have Internet access on the go.  Admittedly, it wouldn't be much.  The modem card I have for it is only 28.8, and the system specs are too low for most modern browsers, but it might be enough.  So I started look for a way to plug my modem into the computer.
    I figured this wouldn't be so tough.  A cell phone is a phone.  If I could find something that plugged it into the phone jack on the computer modem, no problem.  My first stop was a cell phone store at the mall where I card game.  I asked about plugging my cell phone into my notebook.
    "Oh, you can't do that.  You want Internet access, you need one of these phones," and he pointed out one in the triple digit range.
    How does that connect to my notebook?
    "You don't connect it to your notebook.  You use it to surf the 'Net."
    Really.
    "Yes, really.  If you hooked up your modem to that, you'd be lucky to get 14K.  But in a few months, Sprint will be capable of over a meg."
    That's swell, but I'd really rather hook it up to my notebook.
    "You can do everything with this you can with the notebook.  Send e-mail, Yahoo...."
    No 'Net junkie is happy without a full size keyboard and an 800X600 display.
    That last comment shut him up.  Sorry, I know how long winded I am with just my web page.  Using that stupid numeric keypad to send an e-mail message or a text message that is more expensive than a phone call is not an option.  But up until I pointed that out, the guy seemed bound and determined to sell me a brand new top of the line cell phone.  I have only made seven phone calls on mine, for less than a minute each.  Why the hell do I need a rate plan?
    So, it looks like I won't be burning my weekend minutes by surfing the 'Net while waiting for my next duel.  But if this computer ever conks out....

I mentioned a little earlier the Michael Jordan connundrum.  Where excellence at sports tends to shove some really questionable practices into the background.  People don't just put idols on pedastals.  They build entire temples and place offerings on an alter.  And usually, the first thing to be sacrificed is objectivity.
    The latest example of this is Sammy Sosa, who followed Jordan's model of sports excellence and impeccable public image.  Sosa first came to prominence during the Great Home Run Chase.  He and Mark McGuire beat the record for home runs in a single season and became sporting heroes.  But McGuire tended to be surly, while Sosa acted like a little kid doing something spectacular.  McGuire had the record, but Sammy had the public.
    Things got more interesting when it was discovered McGuire was taking a chemical called andro that boosts strength.  He had it casually in his locker when a reporter discovered it.  To his credit, McGuire didn't duck the issue.  He owned up to it, saying it wasn't banned by baseball, so kiss it.  Questions found their way to Sosa, who started in baseball thin as a pipe cleaner but bulked up to a slab of beef.  He maintained that his physique runs in his family and the only suppliments he took were Flintstone vitamins.  Then he was shocked no one believed it.  No one believes Britney Spears' or Mariah Carey's tits are real, either, so join the support group.  Also adding to questions was a study by a newspaper suggesting that the balls baseball was playing with were more lively, resulting in more home runs.  Baseball investigated itself and found no difference.  Yeah, I believe that.  "Officer, I've investigated myself, and found I wasn't involved in this murder."  "Thank you, Mr. Dahmer.  Have a nice day."
    Then, something happened that sent Sosa's image down in flames.  Sosa had missed a few games having surgery done on his toe.  His first game back, he hit a ripper that shattered his bat.  This isn't the first time a bat of his broke.  What was different was that the umpires found cork inside it.  That's Against The Rules.  Immediately, the other 76 bats Sosa had with him at the park were confiscated and examined.  No cork found in those.
    The evidence was undeniable.  Sosa and the Cubs tried anyway.  Sosa said he had the corked bat for practice, to hit balls to the fans in the stands and give them a good show.  Uh-huh, sure.  Sosa said he didn't know it was corked.  TV replay showed the bat was marked with a "C".  The difference in weight would also be immediately noticed.  Every baseball player in the country laughed at the suggestion that Sosa had no idea his bat was lighter than it should be.  Sosa also said he had never used a corked bat before.  So let's review:  out of all those home runs he's hit, the one time he accidentally grabs a corked bat, and it shatters on him!  Two to the power of 100,000 to one against and rising.
    Despite the fact that he got caught red-handed cheating, the Cubs insisted on "turn the page" and move on.  Cubs President Andy McPhail, who's tight with MLB Commissioner Bud Selig, insisted that Sosa didn't do anything really wrong because cheating is part of the game, with pitchers hiding emery boards and things to doctor the ball.  Oh, that changes everything.  And people wonder why I'm not a baseball fan.  They didn't understand why people were so upset.  Maybe because this incident suggests that Mr. "Fair Play" isn't above cheating and the fact that they don't understand this actually is a big deal.  Dismissing one of the biggest names being busted and doing it so casually is an insult to fans who are not told, "Come and see if our pitcher can doctor the ball without getting caught!"
    Adding to it was the debate over whether or not a corked bat does anything.  I was one of the people who didn't believe so, the speed gained from a lighter bat and the decreased mass would cancel each other out.  A California newspaper decided to settle the debate once and for all.  They found corked bats do indeed add some extra oomph, +2%.  This means a guy hitting a ball 400 feet would hit it 408 feet.  Why bother?
    The low point, though, where I will never have an ounce of respect for Sosa again, came when two other players said people were making a big deal out of the corked bat because of racism, because Sosa isn't white.  The card was offered to Sosa, who played it immediately.  People came down on white boy McGuire for the andro, asshole.  People came down on Jayson Williams and John Rocker, too, prick.  A few days before the bat broke, you were voted the Most Beloved Sports Figure In America.  The problem isn't your race.  The problem is your goody-two-shoes image took permanent damage you and you won't explain anything about the bat and insist it's no big deal.
    Sosa is now being treated to increased abuse on the road where before he only felt love.  He only has this shot with the Cubs to get that world championship ring--no team is going to take him now that he's been in bed with scandal.  Sosa has been, as a writer in the Chicago Sun-Times put it, "Cork screwed."  His coyness isn't cute, it only underlines that he's a phony.

We, as a society, suck.
    I'm not sure when "The customer is always right" became a national mantra.  It was bad enough when I worked in the retail industry.  But it seems to be getting worse.
    The other day, I went to a Goodwill store.  There were some CD's that I wanted to get from the "Lifescapes" collection.  The lady behind the counter asked about them.  I said I didn't know what they sounded like, but I was willing to take a chance, they are usually very relaxing.
    She then commented that she should pick a few up because of her job.  It seems she takes a lot of abuse from the customers at Goodwill.  In fact, judging by how she handled my requests, I'd say I was the first to treat her like a human being in a loooooong time.
    It's almost as if people figure, since it's Goodwill, why bother being on good behavior?  A lot of stores with lower prices seem to bring in people looking for some affirmation that they matter, and when a business is set up for doing whatever it takes to make the customer happy, it feeds on itself.  I may feel out of place in a Nordstrom, but everyone there is usually polite and quiet.  Compare this to the squawking at a Wal-Mart.
    I wonder if we ever treated each other with respect, both the servers and servees, or we never did and nostalgia is coloring the Good Ol' Days.  Just because a store is what it is doesn't mean you can treat people like dirt.  I've never believed the customer is always right, but too many people do.
 

"Took a class, big fun, Modern Ethics 101
"First day, learned why ethics really don't apply."

"He said the ideal's uncouth, fatalism needs youth.
"Eat well, floss right, keep the hungry out of sight.
"Save face, nip and tuck, pace yourself and pass the buck.
"And don't forget the best advice--everybody's got a price."

These lines are from a classic song by maverick Christian rock singer Steve Taylor.
    I remember first hearing about the trouble Enron was going through.  For a news junkie like me, every day was Christmas.  Each day, the paper had something new.  But as I saved up clippings to do a day by day retrospective like I did with 9/11, the stack got real big real quick.  Figuring it was too late to do much of anything that everyone else was covering, I pitched the stack.
    It just goes to show that big business can buy politicians.  It can influence policy.  It can use public relations to endure any boycott, justified or otherwise.  But there is one enemy it cannot fight, and that is its own greed.  It isn't, "give them enough rope and they'll hang themselves," it was, "Don't give 'em rope, they're making their own."
    Now, the business pages are reading like the daily hot sheets.  Let's see...we have WorldCom, Adelphia Communications, Tyco, Global Crossings, Dynegy, Halliburton, General Electric, Qwest, and some questions about AOL Time Warner (let's see, a business that is used to spending money like water and a business that hides things like hookers for the actors on the ledger sheets.  Didn't think that would have problems).  Enron was the tip of the iceberg, and the stock market was the Titanic.  There are several reasons I ignored my dad telling me that I need to learn about the stock market and start investing.  This is one of the reasons why.  My dad has mentioned that he has lost tons of money as the stock market did its swan dive.  There were two major problems with the stock market after the boom from the tech bubble.  First, it was waaaaaay too high.  People were willing to invest unbelievable amounts of money in things that were risky.  Amazon.com was valued as four times more valuable than Barnes And Noble Bookstores, and yet only recently showed its first quarter of profit.  It's called a house of cards, and once people get fed up with giving you their money to lose, big trouble.  The other problem with making tons of money in the stock market now is, let's see.  The stock market creates lots of wealth during an era of loosening laws, embezzlement, lying, and other immoral acts.  In short, the market rewards dishonesty, and everyone thinks this is fine.  Shit.  The only thing worse is my mom, who noticed the stock market fall after George W. Bush became President, even though the tech bubble burst and inflation started climbing under Clinton.  She actually told my dad to leave the stock market until we get another Democratic President.
    Supposedly, the Chicago Way is that corruption belongs.  Even if you are caught, this is how it works, so quit your bitching.  Former WorldCom CEO Bernard Ebbers forced Wall Street tycoons join him in prayer before meetings.  Nice religious tolerance.  He also taught Sunday school every week.  After he was fired, he used his Sunday school pulpit to profess his innocence.
    Welcome to the corporate culture.  In the go go 80's, downsizing was big because it cut short term losses and actually boosted profits.  Need people, get those great college grads more interested in climbing the corporate ladder than having an actual life, then axe them when the time is right.  A couple of years ago, a poll of business executives complained that their workers had no sense of loyalty.  Gee, I wonder why.  Now, the public is finally realizing that business puts out so much shit we can barely step over it, and no one knows how to fix it.  The suggestions, such as accountability and honesty, are shouted down with derision.
    I love how the market talks about the Adam Smith-inspired free market, but they obviously do not follow his own model.  Now, it's not that I blame them.  I read Wealth Of Nations, and still regard it as one of the funniest books I've ever read.  But even if you believe somehow that the book has a good idea (I've always been a bit of a low level protectionist myself), the free market is a myth.  New products compete for space in the supermarkets, and sometimes kickback to the chains for prime space and position.
    Unfortunately, Bush is showing is knowledge of history is a few notches lower than his knowledge of geography.  Set the Wayback Machine for the American Great Depression, when Herbert Hoover was President.

*  Hoover created subsidies for farmers to improve their bottom line.  It rewarded them for withholding produce from the market and driving up the price.  But the farmers used the money to expand their land, creating even more surplus.  Bush is likewise proposing farm subsidies.

*  Hoover signed the Smoot-Hawley Tariff Act.  It was to shelter weak US companies and put more money in federal coffers because US products would be selling.  Other countries responded with their own tariffs, further isolating the US and making the Depression worse.  Thankfully, Bush's own steel tariff has already been repealed.

*  Hoover wanted to stop short selling in the stock market.  This involves buying a stock, waiting for it to climb a few cents, usually within a couple of days, and sell, then take that money and do it again.  This actually helps bouy the stock market, and Hoover's moves to restrict them meant the market didn't move as much stock, so it wound up strangling it more.  Just a lesson, I am not aware of Bush coming up with anything like this.

*  Hoover forced industry to maintain the pre-Depression wages, which emptied their money stores faster.  Of course, wages for the workers aren't the problem nowadays, CEO's that get fired and get $5 mil severence packages are the problem.  Like the last one, nothing on Bush's books like this, just an illustration.

    Now, Japan is trying to jumpstart its own economy.  The banks are holding falling stock and bad loans, some valued at $200 bil.  It's plan is the central bank will buy shares of third-party companies directly from the commercial banks.  It will go for a year or two, with the central bank holding the shares for about ten.  But there are no guarantees that the proceeds from the stock selloff will pay off the bad loans.  But at least they're trying.
    Meanwhile, America is still saying we need to adjust Federal interest rates and that there is no need for sweeping ethical reform.  Where are the visionaries when we need them?

Here's something interesting from the Chicago Tribune.  It ran on September 17, 2002.  Following are twelve names, and you have to decide if they are 2002 Miss America contestants, the others are criminals.  Can you tell which is which?  (Just scroll down until you get all twelve names on the screen.  I don't have the knowhow, the time, or the interest in making it an interactive quiz.)

1)  Elizabeth Bathory
2)  Krista Knicely
3)  Misty Taylor
4)  Julia Bulette
5)  Scarlotte Deupree
6)  Rachel Wall
7)  Kate Bender
8)  Carrie Finnell
9)  Laura Lawless
10)  Autumn Marisa
11)  Mary Surratt
12)  Brita Stream

Okay, folks.  Pencils down.  Let's see how you did.  The sarcastic comments in italics are mine, the rest is from the Trib:
1)  Transylvanian countess who murdered 650 women and bathed in their blood as a beauty aid.
2)  Miss Nebraska.  With a name like that, that was a gimmee.
3)  Miss Idaho.  Sounds like she should be a Vivid contract player.
4)  Nevada gold rush prostitute who charged up to $1,000 a night (back when $1,000 was a lot of money), and amassed a fortune between 1859 and her strangling death in 1863 (she should have just married for the money).
5)  Miss Alabama.  Sounds like a romance novelist.
6)  18th Century female pirate.  Now THAT'S gender equality.
7)  19th Century murderer-innkeeper from Kansas known for weilding hammer blows to the head.  Sounds like a natural for the talent competition.
8)  Burlesque stripper.  A more honest female exploitation display.
9)  Miss Arizona.  I'd make a cheap joke about Xena, but that might be a letdown from the other jokes.
10)  Miss Pennsylvania.  Autumn?  See my comment for #3.
11)  Co-conspirator in Abraham Lincoln assassination.  Did she enjoy the play?
12)  Miss Oregon.  With a couple of letter changes, she can sell naming rights for dental irrigators.  She'll have a successful life after the pagent.

I've commented how the Miss America pagent is woefully behind the times, so names that are intentionally misspelled is a step in the right direction.  There is always the question of what the Miss Americas do when their reign is over, to say nothing of the contestants that don't get to do anything but smile on TV before fading into obscurity.  The only Miss Americas I know are Phyllis George, Vanessa (L.) Williams, and Kaye Lani Rae Rafko.  The first is like Dr. Joyce Brothers, famous mostly for being famous.  Vanessa Williams is in movies now, with a gold record, several roles, and a 2002 Tony nomination for her role in "Into The Woods".  Kaye Lani Rae Rafko sticks in my mind because she has a non-conformist streak that made me root for her.  When women in the talent portion play classical music or sing standards, and she wins by doing a hula dance, what can you say?  (She spent more time promoting her profession, nursing, than herself.  She also was notorious for spending as little money as possible.  Her two dresses--two!!-- were valued at $6,000.  That's a fraction of the price and number of the others.)
    The Miss America Pagent dumped its boss a couple of years ago for wanting to change the rules to allow divorced women and single mothers.  If they really think all those women are virgins, they not only don't live in our world, they don't live in our dimension.  The archane rules and head up the ass perspective reared their ugly heads again.
    Rebekah Revels (at least it's pronounced the way it's spelled.  Unlike, say, Brett Favre and Patrick Roy) was the 2002 North Carolina contestant, winning the "honor" in June.  But then her ex-boyfriend (a cop, I might add, for those thinking the police are paragons of honesty and virtue) told pagent officials that he had topless photos of her, and they could fetch a lot of money if she became Miss America.  The officials felt Revels had violated a rule against "dishonest, immoral, immodest, indecent, or in bad taste," which I would think would exclude most of the talent competition and all of the swimsuit competition.  She resigned, and runner-up Misty "Social" Clymer became the nominee.  But Revels decided she wanted to fight.  The photos, she said, were taken without her consent while she was changing.  She sued to get the title back, but US District Judge James Fox ruled against it, writing "Miss America over the years has come to represent some of our finest young ladies ("Our"?--G).  And that reputation would be degraded by publication of nude photographs."  A special shoutout has to also go to the officials who, instead of saying, "Sir, by blackmailing her and us and threatening to ruin her, YOU are the immoral one, and we will stand against you," they helped him ruin her life.  Gee.  I wonder who dumped who here.
    These guys don't need to join the times.  They need to join reality.

Professional baseball didn't go anywhere.  I never knew it was in danger of leaving.    I love it when baseball players threaten to strike and owners complain about how much money they are spending.  The owners overpay the players, then scream that they can't make profits in the environment they created.  Not only is it their fault, but baseball is a business, and the owners have no more God-given right to own a profitable baseball team than they do to own a profitable burger stand.
    Lost in all this was the fans, being used and manipulated like pawns on the game board as the two sides held their pissing contest.  The feelings for the people who enable the players and owners to get those big bucks was revealed by Barry Bonds, who felt the fans would fill the stands after a strike by the players.  "People still ride the bus," he pronounced, referring to the occassional drivers' strikes.  There's a key difference, though.  The bus is necessary for a lot of people to get to work or around.  Baseball is not.  Bonds was also asked if the players could understand the fans considering the average salary of a baseball player is $2 mil a year.  "It's not my fault you don't play baseball," Bonds said.  This was combined with another player saying that the average working Joe makes more money in a lifetime than a baseball player does.  I wonder if college baseball scholarships are like those for basketball and football, because these guys don't know Jack.
    The strike was averted, and people cheered.  Me?  I was never that thrilled with baseball, and I'm even less thrilled with it now.  I don't like feeling used, and that's how the big leaguers make me feel.

Just once...just once...can we please have a normal election?
    I have mentioned previously that for the longest time, I thought Republicans sucked.  Granted, I didn't trust the Democrats, either, but they at least seemed to have principals in their platforms besides "Money talks."  I didn't think the party could get any worse than the awful animal Bill Clinton mutated them into, but I was wrong.  The legacy of Al Gore, who tried to legally destroy Constitutional proceedure, continues on.
    How have the Democrats shown they've abandoned all common sense?  Two ways.  First of all, there was the fun in Florida.  Janet Reno, the former US Attorney General under JFK Version 2 (not just because of the ladies man reputation, but also his politics.  Read your history books and tell me Kennedy was a liberal President) returned to her home state of Florida and decided to try to run for the Democratic nomination for Governor.  Jeb Bush, brother of our current Commander In Chief, is the current Governor.  During the election debacle of 2000 (it's under A View From The Edge, in case you missed it), people howled about how scattershot Floriduh's election process was.  Bush approved $32 million dollars to improve the system and computerize it, hopefully making it more accurate and less likely to inspire shenanigans.
    Reno was running against another guy, a political unknown.  She had a huge lead, but eventually, the lead vanished into a statistical dead heat.  The election happened, and Reno lost by just enough votes that automatic recounts didn't kick in.
    Well, remember what school of Democratic study she attended.  She refused to conceed, saying that the results weren't accurate.  Some polls opened late, some didn't have enough outlets for the computers, one reported a 900% voter turnout, another a 1% voter turnout, and missing votes were turning up.  Curiously, the only places reporting problems were not just Democratic voting areas, but only two--Miami-Dade and Broward, the centers of the action during the 2000 election mess.  Reno announced to the press that she was considering suing to have the results invalidated.  As I've said to several people, Illinois may be the land of the voting dead, but at least they get it right.
    That sound echoing around the country was die-hard Dems grinding their teeth.  The Dems' public image took a nasty hit during the 2000 election.  The only reason they were allowing Gore to talk about running for Prez again in 2004 is a)  they have no one else really and b)  he and Clinton still hold the souls of the party in their hands.  Now, a nation groaned, "Oh, no, not again," and Dems realized that, should Reno's gambit work, they could kiss winning the state of Floriduh goodbye.  She eventually took the bullet, but man.
    But wait, there's more.  In the wonderful state of New Joisey (state motto:  You have the right to remain silent, you have the right to an attorney....), there is a Democratic Senator named Robert "The Torch" Torricelli.  Torricelli's first term in the Senate has included a minor punishment from the Senate Ethics Committee for accepting jewelry, an $8,200 Rolex watch, 12 Italian suits, and more from a businessman named David Chang.  As for Chang, he's serving 18 months in prison.  He was quoted as saying, "I'm in jail, why shouldn't he (Torricelli) be?"
    Dems want to retain the control of the Senate they got gift wrapped by Jim Jeffords, so they didn't pressure Torricelli to not run again.  He at least had name recognition.  Torricelli won the state primary.  But then, his poll numbers dropped.  New Jersey law allows the Dems to substitute candidates 51 or more days before the election.  Torricelli was yanked from running and replaced with former Senator Frank Lautenberg 35 days before the November 5 election.
    The Republicans, with their platform of law and order, promptly sued, saying, "What are you, blind?!?  You can't do that!  The law is so clear, it's transparent!"  The New Jersey Supreme Court, however, helmed by four Dems, two Repubs, and an independent, allowed the switch.  The US Supreme Court refused to hear the case.  Nice.  So now, the voters aren't deciding who is running for the Senate, the party is.
    "Let every vote count."  Who are they fucking kidding?

I really feel sorry for people of the Muslim faith right now.
    We Christians have our moments of bad press.  Remember people who said the Bible said it was okay to bomb abortion clinics (my Bible says, "Thou shalt not kill."  I must have missed the download).  Some Christians have a nasty tendency to confuse their personal agendas with good social policy.  But that is nowhere near as bad as what people who study Islam are facing.
    Besides the problems with Al Qaeda, there has been a sniper running around Maryland and Virginia, finally caught and he was a Muslim.  Chechen rebels in Russia took a theater full of people hostage and threatened to kill them all unless their demands were met.  They were Muslim, too.
    There isn't much I can do.  I'm Christian.  That means that anything I try to do to help Muslims retake their religion that was founded on principals of peace and self-sacrifice will be well intentioned, but I'm still an outsider at best and an interloper at worst.  I'm not sure what Muslims can do to save their faith, but something has to be done.  It is being corrupted by people seeking to use faith-devotion for personal power reasons.
    If I can help, great.  But I hope they find the answer.  There's a lot of people who truly understand what Islam is about, and they deserve better than to be associated with murderers.
 
 

Howdy, gang.  Long time no see.
    I'm not going to bore you with details as to why it has taken me almost half a year just to get a new update up.  I mean, come on.  I'm a warehouse worker who lives an hour south of Chicago, not Disreilli.  It's not like people have been sitting up in the middle of the night saying to themselves, "He's out there...thinking his thoughts...and not sharing them with anyone!!!"  Well, hopefully, it's back to SOP for me now.  I got busy trying to submit a bunch of scripts, and time demanded something had to give.  This means a lot of things would have made great topics, but the trail has grown cold.  Don't worry.  If something sells, God willing and the creek don't rise, this should be worth it.
    And now, on with the sock hop.

Stop me if you've heard this one:
    A businessman is having a farewell luncheon, leaving his company after forty years.  He says as he addresses those there to see him off:
    "I have created and run a business that provides thousands of jobs, giving a better life to the poor.  But am I called a philanthropist?  No.
    "I have created scholarship funds and contributed literally millions to schools to give those a chance to expand their minds and better grasp the world.  But am I called an educator?  No.
    "I have used my connections in the nation's capital to create legislation to help balance the power between the elite and Joe Average.  But am I called a man of the people?  No.
    "But suck one little cock...."
    The above joke flashed through my mind recently as I witnessed a phenomena.  I suppose I could reasonably put it under the basketball section (after all, it's not like it gets updated very often), but I think the underlying themes are important enough to address in the main sections, and illustrating examples dot other areas outside the court, so please bear with me.
    First up, I have to make a statement:  I hate wife beaters.  (Taking a cue from George Carlin, I hate to say "Spousal Abuse."  It creates an emotional isolation for what should be shocking and horrific.  And I know men get abused, too.  Regardless of gender, people are being harmed physically, mentally, and emotionally by someone they trust to protect them from such.  Euphemisms are NOT appropriate.)  I think any man who beats his wife or girlfriend or whatever should be kicked in such a way he loses at least one testicle, then we'll see how manly he feels.  I couldn't live with myself if I ever did that.  Of course, I have learned the way to handle conflict is not through physical intimidation so I don't need to use it.  But I digress....
    I have been thinking a bit about Jason Kidd.  Kidd is a guard for a basketball team called the New Jersey Nets.  He has found himself in the intimidating position of being his team's savior.  All due to something he never should have done and creates a bit of confusion for those of us trying to enjoy the game.
    Kidd used to play for the Phoenix Suns.  But eighteen months ago, he was arrested for beating his wife in front of their kid.  According to the news reports, the wife told Kidd not to pick at their son's food.  Instead of laughing it off, he attacked her.  She raced through the house with him right behind.  She closed and tried to barricade the bedroom door, he knocked it down.  She locked herself in the bathroom with the phone and dialed 911, but hung up before the operator could get any data.  She came out.  Kidd had the phone when it rang.  It was the dispatcher the wife had just called, asking if everything was okay and should she send a car over.
    Here is where the tale gets complicated.  Kidd handed the phone to his wife, but instead of telling her to make up a story, he swallowed his pride and said, "Tell her everything."  She then told the dispatcher about the assault.  I don't recall exactly, not having the transcript of the call handy, but I recall reading that she implied the abuse had been going on for a while.  A squad car came over, threw Kidd in irons, and he cooled his heels in the stir.  He was ordered to take anger management classes for six months and attend counseling with his wife.
    Up until that point, Kidd was considered a model NBA citizen.  He had a charitable foundation, and people from around the league would swear he was one of the greatest guys in the world.  This is another thing that makes the tale complicated:  most sociopaths are very good at being charming when they need to be.  The 911 call, however, did to Kidd what a flock of pidgeons do to public statues.  Realising this would be a PR nightmare, Kidd got traded to the New Jersey Nets for the overrated ego in basketball shorts Stephon Marbury, a man so confident of his skill he insisted in interviews he be called "Starbury" (if he thinks I'm going to do that, he can kiss my Polish ass).  The Nets were one of the NBA's Siberias, winning less than 30 games out of 82 that year.  Marbury happily went to Phoenix, where they were close to being a playoff team.  Kidd was just supposed to fade into the darkness.
    Funny how things change.  The Suns missed the playoffs again this year, with Marbury openly feuding with the coach for not giving him as much playing time as he wanted.  The coach reported told Marbury at one point, "I'm trying to win a game here!" when he refused to put him in.  The Nets, however, won their division.  A good guard can make all the difference on a team, and Kidd did.  Following his aggressive lead, they became a scoring dynamo.  Kidd became one of the most versatile players in the league.  The team shut down his scoring?  He became a passer.  He literally became the point man for the team.
    Through it all, his wife stayed with him.
    At the end of the regular season, it was time to vote on the Most Valuable Player.  The frontrunners were Shaquille O'Neal, the gimmick for the Los Angeles Lakers (thank you for not making any more rap CD's, although as a bad movie junkie, I miss seeing your name in the marqee), Tim Duncan, the heir apparent of my formerly beloved San Antonio Spurs, and Jason Kidd.  The award went to Duncan, however.  Many people felt Kidd should have gotten it, although no one really could come up with a reason Duncan shouldn't have gotten it.  There is speculation (I have expressed these thoughts myself) that Kidd's rap sheet that was created eighteen months ago was the reason.  The voters did not want to reward a guy who did something so dispicable, and Shaq is just a pain in the ass who cannot accept praise gracefully.  So it went to San Antonio's long-suffering Boy Scout.
    During the playoffs, Kidd found himself getting hammered by trash talk.  You think what I listed under the basketball section was bad, it's nothing compared to this.  During the conference playoffs against the Boston Celtics, Kidd was booed every time he touched the ball, and when he was at the free throw line, some people took off their shirts to reveal they had "Wife Beater" written on their backs.  It didn't rattle Kidd, although Kidd's wife and child, who were in the audience, got harrassed, too, to the point where they did not attend the final victory that sent the Nets to the Finals and the Celtics home.
    I have trouble figuring out if I should be enjoying watching the game.  One of the sad indictments of our world is that the success a person achieves is more important that the character of the person.  It's good to be rich, doesn't matter how it happened.  Basketball seems to generate more than its share of this.  Latrell Spreewell plays for the New York Knicks.  People love his dynamic, slashing style.  But this is the same guy who, when his pet pit bull attacks his baby daughter, refused to follow a court order to have it put to sleep.  He also, when playing for the Golden State Warriors, choked his coach, P.J. Carlisimo, when Carlisimo told him to hustle while running laps.  I'm sorry, but I can't enjoy watching him play.  The rotten behavior gets in the way.  Another illustrating example is Bobby Knight, who coaches college basketball.  He's a bully and a tyrant, but in Indiana, a basketball hotbed, he was the greatest thing in the world.  When his behavior finally bit him on the ass and got him fired, there were death threats against the people he abused.  How dare they exile a champion like Bobby Knight who brought so many titles to Indiana University!  (Side note:  I noticed Knight made sure to drill into his players that he was Mister Mighty.  I'd like to see him pull that shit on someone willing to fight back.)
    A similar situation currently surrounds R&B singer and Chicago native R. Kelley.  Kelley has been dodging lawsuits and accusations for years that he likes having sex with underage girls, making him guilty of statutory rape.  He "married" singer and protege Alliyah when she was 16 before the marriage was anulled.  There have been lawsuits.  About three months ago, the Chicago Sun Times received a video tape purporting to show Kelley having sex with another underage girl.  Bootlegs have been selling around the country, and Chicago prosecutors just pinched him on over twenty counts of child pornography.  To a lot of people, he's a great soul singer who writes inspirational tunes like "I Believe I Can Fly."  But Kelley's preference seems to be common knowledge in the music industry, and some are even blaming the girls for seducing Kelley for money.  Uh, excuse me, but shouldn't Kelley have also been trying to keep it in his pants?  Since when is his behavior someone else's sole responsibility?  But he's such a big star, people are rushing to his defense despite evidence.  (At least, in principal.  He recorded a song as a tribute to people who lost loved ones in the 9/11 attacks, and it tanked on the charts before he was arrested.)
    So many times, people's behavior is glossed over depending on their degree of professional success.  This makes the audience guilty of aiding and abetting.  After all, our support says we don't think they did anything wrong.  But Kidd's situation isn't so easy.  His wife is still with him, although if the implication for the 911 call is correct, he did this quite a bit before he got nailed.  People say he's turned his life around, and his wife is still with him, she hasn't dumped him.  And yet, he still did something that makes him garbage.  And I don't know if I can just overlook it since what slim evidence I have from off the court says he has reformed, or if I don't know enough and I still can't just let him be.
    It's complicated and tough to compartmentalize.  Such is life.

Openly gay Frank DeCaro reviewing the movie The Exorcist:  If the priests at my school looked as good as him, I wouldn't have run away from them.

Banzai hosts during a voting challenge to determine which choirboy has hit puberty:  He's young and hairless, just the way the priest likes them.

There are other jokes like this.  Like most jokes, they have a lynchpin consisting of the reputation of who it makes fun of.  In this case, it's the image of the church, Catholic churches in particular, being havens for baby raping freaks.
    (I hear people say the word "pedophile."  That's bullshit.  "Pedophile" means "love of children."  What these freaks do is not love.  Until someone comes up with another euphemism, I call them "freaks".  Short, to the point, and Lord knows it fits.)
    For the longest time, this reputation has existed as priests in positions of authority, charged with the spiritual health of their congregation and the spiritual development of the kids, take advantage and act out their sick fantasies.  The idea that the church doesn't exactly develop people spiritually is reflected by my Catholic mother, who whenever I came up with an idea that didn't fit what she was taught by the church, declared I was (in order over the years) a heathen, a pagan, a cultist, a blasphemer, and a Muslim.  It started when I told her because I believe in the Bible, I believe there is a Hell, but because I believe in God's mercy, I believe it is empty.  You'd think I just told her I was the second gunman on the grassy knoll.  The other stuff?  Some other time.
    As a result, I have been watching with detached interest as the sex abuse allegations have rocked the Catholic Church.  This has been going on for years, with priests who prey on their charges being shuttled around and the church using its Constitutional rights to stymie investigations.  Finally, the mess got too big to be swept under the rug.  The Cardinals convened and announced a new policy to deal with these predators.  Is it zero tolerance?  I don't know.  I didn't bother paying attention, because the biggest problem remains unaddressed.
    Here's the problem:  you can get tough with predators all you want.  But the real crime is the cover-up.  And it isn't the priests covering up, it's the Cardinals, reassigning with a wink and not informing the congregation of the new threat in their midst.  This is the real problem that has to be dealt with, nothing less than expulsion and excommunication for those that fail to protect their spiritual charges.  And there is nothing reported that will handle that.
    In many ways, the Church is operating on data that has been proven out of date and holds about as much accuracy as Sigmund Freud's.  Freaks can't be cured, they don't do it because they are denied normal sexual contact so allowing priests to marry won't solve the problem.  They do it because they are sick.  But the Church is taking this forgiveness and redemption thing too far.  The human mind doesn't grow so much as develop.  It has been scientifically proven that trauma can literally alter the brain physically, where scientists can examine it and get a rough idea what happened just using CAT scans (see the landmark work championed by Andrew Vachss for more).  This isn't about forgiveness and seeing the good in someone, this is about a truly evil act that poisons a person and condemns them to a living death.  The Church's refusal to see this is unforgivable.

I have no clue how it happened, but apparently I've wound up on a People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals e-mail list.  Yes, the organization that doesn't like animals being used for anything at all but has no problem with sexual exploitation (Britney Spears, Charloette Ross, others) and harassing people who think differently from them (let's see them throw blood on a group of Hell's Angels for wearing leather.  Hell, I'd pay money to see what happens).  I've gotten a couple of e-mails from people telling me, in the words of PETA's newest campaign, "Jesus was a vegetarian."  They should know better than to try that shit with a guy who actually knows his Bible:

"Jesus said unto them, Have ye here any meat?  And they gave him a piece of broiled fish...And he took it, and did eat before them."  Luke 24:41-43.

Stick that in your oven and broil it.
 
 

So, does anybody feeling like talking about anything?  The weather?  Soaps?
    What?  There's a war going on?!?  Why don't my friends tell me these things?!?
    As I write this, World War III, better known as Kicking bin Laden's Ass, looks just about wrapped up.  bin Laden looks about as foolish as he does in the picture to the left here.  I have been assured that this is in fact a picture of the Monster Of The Mid-East.  Wow, Greg Brady has nothing on this guy.
    When I sent off the last page update into the bitstream, it was looking like a long and drawn out war was ahead of us.  I firmly believe US technology is advanced, but not as advanced as the propaganda would have us believe.  bin Laden was believed to be hiding in a network of caves snaking through a mountain range.  Modern technology can't see what's within the walls of the pyramids in Egypt, so I didn't think this would be open and shut.  However, I had every confidence the US would come out on top.  All I wanted was for the people in charge to for once, remember that these are not pieces on a chess board to move around with impunity.  These are human beings that could die.  They may be willing to die for our rights, but that doesn't give us the right to risk their lives.  And while I'm on the subject, President George W. Bush better do something to keep those Veterans' Hospitals open.  It's the least we can do.
    Pretend I'm speaking like Robert Conrad, who was the narrator on Rocky And Bullwinkle.  Last time, as you remember, US troops had deployed to Afghanistan to capture and/or kill Osama "Wrong Way" bin Laden.  Also, a wave of anthrax was breaking out around the US.  Some asshole was putting a powdered form in letter envelopes and sending them to different people in the media and government, including the building housing the offices of the National Enquirer, meaning for once, the article actually was accurate.  The list included American Media Inc. in Boca Raton (National Enquirer) (found on keyboard in mailroom), US Postal Service Facility in Boca Raton, NBC HQ in New York (from a letter postmarked September 16 from Trenton, New Jersey), Daschle's office (letter was postmarked October 8 from Trenton, NJ again), Microsoft Licensing Inc. in Reno, Nevada (in a company envelope mailed to a vendor in Malaysia that was returned to sender, no one at that address), and New York Governor George Pataki's office in NYC.  With bin Laden working on acquiring biological weapons, the US citizens freaked, thinking al Qaeda was doing this for our attacking bin Laden.
    I refused to bend to fear.  Admittedly, part of it was based on forensic evidence.  So far, the people getting it were people like Dan Rather, the biggest journalist at CBS, and Speaker Of The House Tom Daschle.  There was no way they were going after a sarcastic jackass living an hour south of Chicago and working in a warehouse.  That's not noteworthy.  In fact, I had a suspicion that whoever was behind the anthrax attacks wasn't affiliated with bin Laden.  If al Qaeda was looking to attack targets, why would they send anthrax like that?  It only affects the people immediately handling it.  Not only that, but the spores were just that--spores.  Any science buff knows that soap and water still annihilates the little fuckers easily.  If it can take out the AIDS and herpes viruses, anthrax might as well pick out its funeral plot.  If the person washes and acts with caution, the odds of dying from anthrax aren't good.  After hijacking four airplanes and killing almost 6,000 people (the estimate at the time), the anthrax letters didn't seem dramatic enough to be al Qaeda.  The MO didn't fit.
    My mother, on the other side of the corpus collosum, was buying it hook, line, and sinker.  I needed some blank CD's and ordered them through the mail.  I come home from work, and I see a box sitting in the middle of the porch, nothing except walls within four feet of it.  I pick it up and march in the house.
    My mom looked like she was ready to grab her insurance card and rush to the hospital.  "Did you order something?!?"
    Yes, blank CD's.  Remember?
    "How do you know that's not a biological weapon?!?"
    Mom, this is a cardboard box.  If the delivery driver didn't die, neither will we.
    Anthrax actually has quite a history.  It is believed to have started as an Egyptian plague over 4,000 years ago.  Between the 17th and 19th Centuries, anthrax destroyed an astonishing amount of livestock in Europe, with the first US infections documented in Louisiana Territory in the 18th Century.  In the 1820's, Kentucky was the site of the first reported US human infections.  In 1876, Robert Koch, a family physician in Germany, wraps up his studies on the blood of infected animals.  He proved a specific bacteria was responsible for a specific disease, accidentally sowing the seeds that would grow into modern microbiology.  Five years later, France's Louis Pasteur added another credit besides "chemist" to his resume.  He creates medicine's first live vaccine while working with heat-cured anthrax on sheep.  It's also around this time that inhalation anthrax is first diagnosed, infecting English factory woolsorters dealing with contaminated goat hair and alpaca wool.  During World War I, anthrax is introduced by Germans into mules and livestock being sent to Allied forces, it's first job as a biological weapon.  In 1937, Japan started a biological warfare program in Manchuria.  Investigations long after the VJ Day show that Unit 731, as it was called, created aerosolized anthrax, cholera, plague, and dysentery.  This was used to kill thousands of Chinese prisoners.  Unit 731 was burned to the ground in 1945.  Britain also studied anthrax as a weapon, and began experiments in 1942 on Gruinard Island, in the vicinity of Scotland.  The island was quaranteened until 1986.  It took 280 tons of formaldehyde and seawater to finish the job.  Thinking it wouldn't be long until Germany tried playing with the stuff, the US began a biological warfare program in 1943 at Camp Detrick, now known as Ft. Detrick, in Maryland.  It developed a bomb to carry spores, bacteria and viruses, remaining a state secret until 1946.  Also in 1943, Russia does the whole biological warfare thing one better by creating the first human anthrax vaccine.  In 1954, the US created its own version.  In 1969, Richard Nixon does one of the few things I actually admired him for and issues an executive order to end US research into developing new biological weapons, shifting the focus to defense instead offense. By 1972, the government says all US supplies of biological weapons are destroyed.  Also that year, the US, Britain, and the Soviet Union sign the Biological and Toxin Weapons Convention.  Prohibiting stockpiling and researching biological weapons, it has to date been ratified by 140 countries, including China, Iran, Iraq, and North Korea.  Of course, we have evidence they are still working on the stuff, but for all I know, so are the other countries.  Supporting this theory is that an outbreak happened in Zimbabwe in 1978, eventually killing 100 people and injuring 10,000.  In 1979, anthrax spores got out in Sverdlovsk (now known as Ekaterinburg) in Russia.  79 people were confirmed infected, and 70 died.  It remained under wraps until 1992.  In 1991, during the Persian Gulf War, Iraq announced it had 8,500 liters of anthrax.  By 1999, the US Armed Forces estimated they had given out a cumulative total of 590,000 doses of anthrax vaccine.
    I found myself staring at a groundswell of people who wanted to go after Saddam Hussein and Iraq.  But we have no reason.  In the end, we will be using violence against someone for no other reason than we don't like them.  In short, we'd be acting like terrorists.  Among the people advocating this, both at the time in a speech October 15, 2001, and a few days before I wrote this, was Senator Joseph Lieberman, Democrat from Connecticut.  I remembered him from his run for the Vice Presidency alongside Al "I Invented More Shit Than Nicola Tesla" Gore.  I wasn't thrilled with Lieberman's thought process for censoring the entertainment media.  Now, he's coming up with more iffy logic for us to go after Iraq.  Other Democrats weren't coming up with their own terrorism doctrines or encouraging open disagreement with Bush and his policies.  This despite Al Gore, the technical compass for the Democrats, declaring in a speech about a month earlier that Bush "is my commander in chief" (Jesus, I never thought I'd see the day I agreed with Gore).  For example, former Democratic Senator Bob Kerrey (Nebraska) has long advocated "finishing the job", but reeled it in, at least for the moment.  He believed doing that while the campaign in Afghanistan was going on would have "every American embassy from Morocco to India set on fire."
    There was one other fight I was expecting the US to handle.  The war on drugs, still bent on destroying supply, driving up price, and keeping the corrupting influence of racketeers in the loop.  Afghanistan is the world's leading supplier of opium.  It is estimated by the Drug Enforcement Agency that 72% of the world's illegal opium comes from Southwest Asia, primarily Afghanistan where there is no ruling goverment or economic system to embargo.  In fact, it is theorized that all of the Taliban's weaponry it acquired after the US ended its support in the war against Russia comes from the Russian mafia.  What a coincidence, the poppies were supposed to bloom sometime in late October.  I had a suspicion attacking the crops would be a fringe benefit.
    On October 17, the US House Of Representatives was closed down when 31 Senate staffers tested positive for anthrax.  The Senate remained in action (or inaction, based on what I've seen on C-SPAN).  This reinforced the rush to buy anthrax detectors and Ciprobay, called Cipro for short.  This despite warnings from scientists that it was possible that taking Cipro without any anthrax in the system to fight could build up the body's resistence to the drug and its effectiveness.  Added to this was a rash of phony anthrax letters going around the country.  Also reported that day was that residents of Anthrax Street in Fayetteville, North Carolina, were considering changing their name.
    As of October 19, the airstrikes had been going on for two weeks.  There was a huge rash of Taliban defections.  Some estimates put the figure at about 4,000.  Minister Louis Farakhan, leader of the Nation Of Islam (and, if my memory serves me correctly, his organization was also trying to found its own country somewhere), demanded proof of Osama bin Laden's guilt.  He isn't the only one with a questionable mentality, however.  I take a lot of good-natured ribbing about my leftist leanings, but other liberals have been advancing views that trigger more than just joshing.  I'm not talking about people who simply say we shouldn't resort to war (under most circumstances, I'd agree, but not this time) or the "We brought this on ourselves because we are Americans" (what are you, stupid?).  The New Republic began a feature called the Idiocy Watch to track stupid statements made on both sides of the aisle.  Despite liberals claiming higher intelligence, some really stupid statements appeared.  For example, Susan Sontag wrote about the "self-righteous drivel and outright deception being peddled by public figures and TV commentators" and saying our approach to war was "cowardly."  A few weeks later, in response to food drops to Afghan civilians as well as bomb drops on the Taliban, she wrote in the online magazine Salon, "I don't like throwing biscuits and peanut butter and jam and napkins, little snack packages produced in a small city in Texas, so we can say, 'Look, we're doing something humanitarian.'"  I'm not sure what the small city in Texas has to do with this, so I'll assume she just got carried away.  But the logical conclusion to her arguement is, if we're going to bomb, we should bomb indiscriminately and not try to help the citizens caught in the crossfire.  She further worried that the government was going to try deporting Muslims and declare martial law.  She did not present one arguement that could survive even basic argument.  Likewise, the normally incisive Michael Moore wrote on his web site, "Finally, the bombs are raining down on Afghanistan, and as Marthat Stewart says, that's a good thing.  Yesiree, I say, BOMBS AWAY!  Rockets red glare.  We are all WHITE WITH FOAM!"  The vast majority of people I know supporting the war, both liberal and conservative, aren't doing this with the same blind and rabid patriotism that infected the US during the Reagan 80's with Rambo and other bullshit.  They don't want a slaughter, they want justice.  Oliver Stone, living proof that aliens walk among us, apparently felt left out, because he came up with more political bullshit given attention.  "Does anybody make a connection betweent the 2000 election and the events of September 11?"  Uh, no, can't say so.  Care to eludicate?  And I don't know about you, but I'm thanking my lucky stars that George W. Bush is running this, not Bill Clinton Version 2.  But Stone wasn't done, and neither am I, my comments are in brackets.  "The new world order is about order and control [hence the name, I guess--G].  This attack was pure chaos, and chaos is energy [I guess my thesaurus is out of date, this is new to me--G].  All great changes have come from people or events that were initially misunderstood, and seemed frightening, like madmen."  Of course, I supposed Stone, what with his creative history, has personal experience with being misunderstood and called a madman.  But just because people think you are insane, underqualified, or just stupid doesn't automatically qualify you for "I'm a genius, you just don't know it yet" status. But don't think it's just me thinking this.  Liberal commentator Christopher Hitchens said at a New York forum that Stone was a "moral idiot, as well as an intellectual idiot," and that the attack was "state-supported mass murder, using civilians as missiles."  (I admit a bias, since that has been my perspective all along.)  Katha Pollitt wrote in The Nation that she wouldn't let her daughter put an American flag in their living room window.  The daughter felt the flag meant "standing together and honoring the dead and saying no to terrorism.  Mom thought of the flag as a symbol of "jingoism and vengance and war".  This is why liberals have trouble being taken seriously:  instead of saying the flag and America is just as much theirs, they seperate themselves from it because they don't like the symbolism being assigned to it instead of fighting to protect the ideas it is supposed to represent.  And now, instead of understanding her daughter's perspective like she understands the perspectives of people who hate America, she told her daughter to fly the flag by her bedroom window, her own little portion of the house, instead of identifying the whole house with it.  It ain't the Taliban, but it has potential.  By way of contrast, The Nation later featured Princeton professor Richard Falk saying that while he agrees that the US is an imperialist power, that particular stance is "dangerously inappropriate in addressing the challenge posed by the massive crime against humanity committed on September 11."  He also wrote that US involvement in world affairs "cannot be addressed so long as this movement of global terrorism is at large and prepared to carry on with its demonic work."  Nation columnist Eric Alterman dismissed people who feel no patriotism.  He wrote that they "really do hate their country.  These leftists find nothing to admire in its magnificent Constitution;  its fitful history of struggle toward greater freedom for women, minorities, and other historically oppressed groups;  and its values, however imperfectly or hypocritically manifested in everyday life."  In sumnation, "patriotism requires no apologies."  Excuse me while I raise my glass to him in a toast.
    Psy ops began that weekend.  "Psychological operations" are basically broadcasts along the lines of Japan's "Tokyo Rose" and North Vietnam's "Hanoi Hanna".  The US used a similar operation during the Persian Gulf War.  The Commando Solo is the medium for the message, a C-130 cargo plane made by Lockheed Corp.  The $70 mil craft is retrofitted with communications equipment to jam local broadcasts and transmit on any known frequency--TV, radio, shortwave, etc.  There are actually six planes, only one goes aloft with its crew of 11 at a time.  Classified until 1994, it has been used in Vietnam, Grenada, Panama, Iraq, Haiti, and the Balkan Islands.  It is deployed from the 193rd Special Operations Wing